I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
