Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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