Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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