I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
