Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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