yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
