why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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