You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
