Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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