if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please don't give away my fajitas
where are my eyebrows?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
