I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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