He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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