I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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