I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
