Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
