they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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