Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
