I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
