I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's like iHOP with fire
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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