Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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