I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
