it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize