youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
