I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
