Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
