I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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