Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
