he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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