she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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