the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
