we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
