If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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