The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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