he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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