Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
