I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
