wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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