I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
