Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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