we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
