I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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