That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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