I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
