you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
