Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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