I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
