I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
