I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
