Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
