can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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