How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
