Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
