Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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