i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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