Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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