allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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