nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
as a side note pls kill me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
