i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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