So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
