Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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