Don't you send me to vm
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
